long time no (real) post

so my last few posts have been rather ...short. sorry , i couldn't think of the SAT word that fits the bill. i know there is one though...

lately, i've been getting what i call "college anxiety". it's pretty much where i start flipping out about college and i go on a frenzy on collegeboard.com and research some colleges here and there. in other words, i'm quite obsessed. scared. nervous. afraid. scared. nervous. anxious. hopeful. hopeless.... anyways, so i've pretty much have given up on the whole ivy league thing, since neither do i have the money nor the cred to go. but not completely, i'll still apply to say, brown, but that's it! my colleges of the moment are RISD, brown, berkeley, ucla. stayin' close to home for the most part

swimming is frustrating. oh God. last weekend i was at downey for metro champs. historically, i have always dropped at metro champs. not this time! it was awful. horrible. you never want to go through that ever again. it was amazing how bad i swam. .... i was on the verge of giving up. my own mother was on the verge of giving up on me. she even made me ask todd whether i should still swim or not... ............. after all the blahblahblah in between, i decided to stay. it's more of a matter of character and principle to me. i've been in it for quite some time now and to give up now, when i have only a year left, would just...disappoint me. i think i'd forever live in the "what if" stage. honestly, i want to leave on a positive note...to better preserve the memories i've created with my fellow swimmers. there isn't much left to do but to train, train, train. it's not as easy as it sounds, but it has to be done.

school is a complicated matter. if i go into it now, i'll just end up having another college anxiety attack. for sure.

FBLA sectional conference tomorrow. i'm dead nervous. how do i even study for this?!?!

ayyyyyy.